Navigating Meltdowns: Beyond Calm Parenting—Unpacking the Realities and Banishing Guilt

Toddler tantrums are one thing but have you ever experienced your older child have a complete meltdown? It can be intense! And sometimes it catches you off guard and you can feel totally unequipped to support them, especially if you’re doing everything you can in your power to stay calm yourself!

In this post I am going to share why being calm all the time is not the answer, so you can get rid of any guilt or feelings of not being good enough that surrounds that. I know I’m a good mum, even when I’m not calm, even when I’m overwhelmed and flustered. Even when I’m triggered and overstimulated. Here’s why…

Understanding the Nervous System:

Our nervous system is like our body’s control centre, making sure we can do things like stand, walk, and move smoothly. It handles lots of stuff automatically, like our heartbeat, breathing, and digestion—no need to think about those, thankfully!

Some things, though, we can control voluntarily, like using our breath to manage our heart rate and soothe our body.

Because as mindful parents we know how to self-regulate in theory, we give ourselves a really hard time if we don’t keep our cool, and we don’t stay calm all the time. We know we are meant to be the calm in their storm and help them to regulate when they are struggling, and we feel guilty when we don’t live up to our own expectations.

Breaking the Myth of Constant Calm:
The thing about regulation is it involves a series of ups and downs, it is not a state of constant calm. When we are teaching children about regulation and modelling regulation ourselves, we do not have no put the unrealistic expectation on ourselves or our children to be in a state of calm all the time. That is not realistic.

What can we do?

What we can do is we can use tools that help us to regulate, to get back to a state of balance. So what is balance?

The autonomic nervous system controls the sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous systems Think of them like a scale; sometimes they’re in balance, and other times, one takes the lead.

It’s not about being calm all the time; our systems can swing between high energy and relaxation. Between being on edge, to being chilled out. When things get intense, we might feel the urge to fight, flee, or freeze. While, relaxation lets our parasympathetic system shine, aiding digestion and overall well-being. Both are important but sometimes we spend a lot of time in a state of hyper-arousal.

In these moments, there is a lot going on. We are reading the vibes of your surroundings, our inner world, and even the unspoken stories in our mind. With awareness, we can weave in practices that act like gentle guides, soothing, refining, and embracing the body’s energy. So we’re acknowledging what is going on for us, and we are responding to that.

Through regular family yoga, we cultivate heightened awareness, laser-sharp focus, profound understanding, and a healing energy that ripples through both body and mind. This can help us come back to calm quicker, it helps us to respond rather than react, but it does not mean we are not going to experience stress or overwhelm. We just practice riding the waves.

Family Yoga Practices for Regulation:

Now that we’ve peeked into the incredible workings of our nervous system, let’s explore how family yoga practices can be our magical key to balance. Picture this: your family, practicing calming practices together that help you to slow down, connect and be present. This is time where you can actively nurture your well-being and support your nervous systems balance together. It can help with symptoms of stress from spending too much time in fight, flight or freeze. It is a mix of energetic practices as well as calm practices to help you get that balance your family needs.

The journey of self-care and well-being is not about perfection; it’s about joy, connection, and embracing the journey together.

Meltdowns are a natural part of parenting

Meltdowns, big emotions, tantrums – it is all a part of our family life and it is completely normal! The idea that yoga makes people calm all the time, or that we need to find a fix for our emotions is not realistic. We don’t need to fix our kids when they are struggling, and we don’t need to riddle ourselves with guilt when we aren’t the picture of calm we would like to be. Instead what we can do is find the middle ground – that is the key to effective regulation.

So come and explore family yoga practices as a tool for fostering connection, understanding, and regulation within the family, and know you’re doing an awesome job.

I’d love to know your own experiences with regulating. Have you ever felt guilty for not being able to stay calm, or feel the need to go and hide whenever you experience big emotions so you can show up calm for your kids? Comment below, I’d love to hear from you.

Feeling a bit overwhelmed? 🤯 Juggling the demands of parenthood can be a lot, no matter how much we love our kiddos.

Mindfully managing your own emotions and helping little ones with theirs is powerful but it is also challenging… I’m here to tell you, you are not alone. The struggle is real!

I’m here to help you create more connecting moments and more calm! Download your free game pack to support your child’s well-being – playfully.

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