The Surprising Truth About Why You Don’t Feel Calm—and What Really Works for Families

Lately, I’ve been dealing with a lot of stress. Running a small business, handling unexpected bills, managing everything at home as a single parent, being let down by someone and having to reschedule everything and not even getting an apology or anything —it’s a lot. And it’s times like these when I find myself thinking, “Why can’t thing just calm down?” It feels like that elusive calm I want so badly slips further away the more I try to “act calm” when everything feels far from calm.

If you’re a parent, you probably know that feeling, too: wanting so desperately for things to slow down, to be able to stay calm for your kids, but then that feeling of frustration bubbles up inside. It’s tempting to put on a calm front for them, but I’ve found that pretending to be calm can actually make things worse. Kid’s know your energy. Instead, I decided to be real with them – without burdening them with my adult problems.

Recently, I told my kids, “I need a moment. I’m feeling frustrated—not at you, just at stuff going on.” This simple moment of honesty helped me process what I was feeling instead of burying it, and I felt a weight lift. Not only did it prevent me from snapping or letting my frustration spill over into our time together, but it also showed them that feelings—even big, uncomfortable ones—are natural and okay.

So, instead of putting pressure on myself to feel calm all the time, I’ve been practicing being authentic about what I’m feeling. I give myself space to feel my emotions, to take a breath, and, if needed, give my kids a few extra minutes of TV while I gather myself. This honesty has helped me create a home environment where calm can grow naturally rather than something I have to force.

Yoga

And here’s where yoga comes in: it’s been a grounding tool for both me and my kids. We’ve been practicing together, sometimes at bedtime, and other times just for fun. Yoga has become our way of connecting, releasing the day’s energy, and centering ourselves together. It’s taught us that calm isn’t the absence of emotion; it’s the ability to be present with those emotions in a safe space.

Yoga has become a place where I can be fully, authentically me—a place where all my feelings, even the messy, uncomfortable ones, are welcome. It’s my space to let my guard down and stop pretending everything is okay when it isn’t. For me, this has been huge. I’m much more likely to cry during a sad movie than to cry over my own life, so when tears come for me, they’re a sign that I’m facing something big.

Growing up, I learned to be “okay” for others. I wanted to make sure everyone else was happy or comfortable, and over time, I became really good at keeping my own feelings tucked away. In yoga, though, there’s no need to hide. It’s a safe space to simply be, with all the complexity that come with being human. On the mat, I get to feel my feelings instead of pushing them down, even when they don’t seem convenient or easy to explain and what we practice on the mat – we take off the mat.

When I’m having a hard day, I still put my kids first and don’t expect them to cheer me up or take on my worries. (They do, however, draw the sweetest pictures for me!) But I don’t have to hide the fact that I’m struggling, either. I can be real about my emotions with them, and I can share with them the practices that make me feel better. Sometimes, we even do them together—whether it’s breathing exercises, a quick yoga flow, or just a quiet moment.

This is the gift yoga has given me, and it’s a gift I want to share with others. It’s not about putting on a “calm” face or faking a sense of peace for our kids. It’s about inviting calm in, even on our hardest days, by allowing all feelings to be valid and embraced. For me, and for my family, yoga has become a shared space where we can connect authentically—no people-pleasing, no pretending—just showing up as we are, knowing that’s enough.

This approach has made a huge difference, not just in how I feel, but in how we all connect as a family. If you find yourself struggling to stay calm, I encourage you to give yourself permission to feel what you’re feeling and share that truth with your family. You might be surprised at how it deepens your connections and brings more genuine peace into your home.

I’d love to hear from you! Have you tried being more open with your kids about how you’re feeling? Or are you on a similar journey to finding calm in your family? Drop a comment—I’d love to connect! ❤️