You’re a good parent. So why are you still going to bed feeling guilty after a tough day?

Do you know that feeling when you go to bed or you sit down at the end of a long day – the kids are asleep and you are alone in your thoughts, wondering “Did I do that right?” or “I could have done that better.”

How many times have you struggled through bedtime feeling agitated and maybe losing your temper, speaking through gritted teeth or even shouting. Then when they’re asleep you’re hit with – whoah, what even was that?

You are definitely not alone in this feeling.

The reason that wave of guilt and questioning yourself comes is because you’re nervous system is finally able to regulate, to feel safe, to not feel like its under attack. Yes – your nervous system thinks bedtimes battles are an actual battle.

You feel this way because you are coming out of this overwhelmed and overstimulated state, where your nervous system is on high alert and everything is a threat to feeling like “Phew, I can relax.”.

But then our brain pipes in and says – not so fast 😂

You feel guilty because you know in your calm and regulated state, you would have done that all so differently. You didn’t mean to lose your patience, it’s not because you wanted to. But that doesn’t mean it’s your child’s fault either (which you already know, because that’s why you feel guilty).

The fault here comes down to that dysregulation. But let’s give our nervous system some grace here because even that is just doing it’s best and doing it’s job to try and keep up safe. It’s not it’s fault that it can’t tell the difference between a real threat and a perceived threat.

So what can you do?

Number one, go easy on yourself.

You were never meant to be a perfect parent. You are holding yourself to such impossible standards. You show up with so much love and you do so much for your family. You are human though, and you’re going to make mistakes or get overwhelmed, or just need the kids to go to sleep finally so you can ‘switch off’.

Number two, look after your nervous system.

Take time to actively look after your nervous system. You don’t want to be stuck in overwhelm or feeling on high alert all the time. You don’t want to just rely on distractions such as TV or even work. You want to be able to spend time in your ‘rest and digest’ state which is the opposite of the ‘fight/flight/freeze’ response.

How do you do this?

In terms of yoga it all comes down to the Kosha System. This is 5 layers of our being that when we can check in with and connect to, that is all we need to help us to regulate.

What is the Kosha System?

Imagine the Koshas as Russian nesting dolls, each layer encapsulating the next one within it. These layers are not just physical; they extend beyond the body, encompassing various aspects of our existence. Just as a small cup fits into a larger one, the Koshas interconnect, each influencing the next to create a holistic sense of well-being.

Understanding the Koshas isn’t just about delving into yoga philosophy; it’s about uncovering a practical framework that can profoundly impact our well-being and that of our children.

The Five Koshas

The Koshas are like layers or sheaths that make up our whole being, from the physical to the more subtle aspects of our existence. Here’s a simple breakdown:

1. Annamayakosha (Physical Body)
2. Pranamayakosha (Energy Body)
3. Manomayakosha (Mental / Emotional Body)
4. Vijnanamayakosha (Wisdom Body)
5. Anandamayakosha (Bliss Body)

Regulation

When we start to understand regulation through the lens of the Kosha system, we realize that true balance isn’t about just one thing—it’s about caring for ourselves on every level: physical, energetic, mental, emotional, and deep inner connection. It’s not about striving for perfection in parenting but about being present, aware, and compassionate with ourselves. The more we nurture our own regulation, the more we naturally create a safe and steady presence for our children and the more we can realise that guilt is just another feeling – it is one that you can feel safely, you can acknowledge it’s presence and you can come back to your truth – That you are a good parent, and you are doing the best you can.

So, next time the guilt creeps in, remind yourself: you are learning, you are growing, and you are good enough. 💛

You can read more about the Kosha System in a previous series of blogs (and yes, I do have something very special coming up soon that will help you work with the Kosha system to help you feel like your most authentic, confident, best self).

The Kosha Series