Is it actually okay not be okay?

I’ve been sitting with something big the last few days and I realised a hidden belief I had for myself….. That it’s actually not okay to not be okay….. weird after sharing “It’s okay not to be okay.” for so long.

But I realised that not being okay has usually equalled rejection and abonnement for me.

When I was 17 I got really sick. I nearly wasn’t here anymore. They had told my parents if we do the surgery she might not make it, if we don’t do the surgery – she definitely wont make it. Spoiler alert, I made it but it was a long recovery after. It was a vertical line all the way down my stomach and around my belly button and down a little more, so I couldn’t sit up or move much at all and it took time to even be able to walk a few steps.

In that time in hospital, none of my usual friends came to visit me. And when I was home (still struggling a lot), I got a message from one of my friends having a go at me that I don’t make the effort to see them and they were all annoyed at me, and even after saying how much I was struggling, none of them came to see me. Best friends I had had since I was like 5. It hurt.

For years I struggled with pain, needing more surgeries, more medication, more rest. I tried soo hard to be okay because I didn’t want pain to be my identity, I didn’t want that feeling of rejection and abonnement or feeling like a burden.

Why I’m telling you this now

Because this old wound opened again recently. And actually I’m grateful for that in a way because it showed me where I still had important healing work to do. And while the experts often says “share from the scar, not the wound,” I want to be honest: I’m still learning and healing on this one.

And yet, I know this:

👉 I don’t want any child to grow up believing their feelings are a burden.

👉 I don’t want any parent to feel like they have to hold it all together alone.

👉 And I don’t want any family to believe regulation means pretending, suppressing, or pushing through.

This is why I teach yoga, mindfulness, and nervous system practices for kids and families.

Because I want children to know in their bones that they are:

• Good enough exactly as they are.
• Whole and complete.
• Loved and safe in their big feelings.
• Safe to be seen and to take up space in the world.

My favourite song as a young teenager, the one I would be screaming at the top of my lungs and making little music videos to in my living room was a song by My Chemical Romance……it was “I’m not okay (I promise)”

Maybe it’s because it gave a voice to everything I was feeling, everything I had tried to hide or push down. and this was way before the physical pain.

I am still doing the healing work for myself as an adult, and I am still navigating my journey with pain and illness and even big emotions, but I want to change that story for the next generation.

I want them to grow up knowing on a deep level, that it is okay not to be okay and that they can still be loved and supported just as they are. I don’t want that to be just some kinda sign like “Live, laugh, love.”. I want it to be a deep core belief. One they can truly believe for themselves.

Thank you for letting me share this today.

If you’re holding a lot right now too, please know you’re not alone. And if you ever want support for yourself, or gentle practices for your family, that’s what I’m here for.

You can book one to one support with me ​Here​. Because I know what it’s like to try and power through and pretend to be fine. And I know what it’s like to feel deeply supported and seen exactly as I am. And I know which I prefer. You deserve that kind of support too.